The long awaited CFFL Preview! I know how much everyone waits in anticipation for this. For the predictions. For the constant slam of the South and the Titans. The continuous prediction of Ferrets in the basement. The rips on the Crush. The overconfidence given to the Krauts every year...Well you might find this time a little different...well, maybe...
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| The Mayhem receiving their 2nd trophy from the Commish |
GREAT WHITE NORTH
Cherry's Chislers
Top Player: Antonio Brown
Big Three: Rivers, Gurley, Brown
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| Brown ready to flex his muscles for the Chislers once again. |
When you say Phillip Rivers what do you think of? His Jughead? The Chargers? No you think of the Chislers. He has been a Chisler 6 straight years and 8 out of the past 9 years! Now that is team identity! He returns once again to lead the Chislers in the North. His 30 TD passes is likely since past 4 seasons have been 30+ except for one year (29 TDs).
An uncharacteristic move by Chislers as they look to be more ground and pound with the return of Gurely and the additions of C.J. Anderson and Joe Mixon. Can it get any worse for Gurley than last year? Probably not. Will Joe Mixon layoff smacking woman around...let's hope since the Chislers were high on him all off season...character be damned.
Antonio Brown anchors the WRs and is one of the best in the CFFL. After that its some questions. Hunter Henry should be a nice 10 point connection. Hell he had 8 TDs last year. Will they go with 2 Chargers at wide out with Travis Benjamin? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yeah...
Justin "Mother" Tucker will handle kicking duties when he is not singing opera and should be solid every week. Raider defense are there for when Rivers throws pick six against Raiders, Rick won't feel so bad....
R.C. Wrecking Crew
Top Player: Jordy Nelson
Big Three: Carr, Nelson, Cooper
Carr entering his third season with the Crew is quickly giving the Crew that same Chisler feel. But for some reason they can't capture that same Chisler Luck. Carr is poised to pass the 30 TD mark this year and will make for some good battles vs. Rivers and the Chislers.
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| Nelson hopes to the Crew get to the playoffs |
The running game again was ignored this year by the Crew, while not as bad as last year, they will need some things to happen. Abdullah "oblongata" scored 1 TD last year and for some reason the Crew thought it would be good to take him as their first RB...wait what? Crew scouts were high on him this year and have high expectations (apparently). Johnathan Stewart, who has played forever was drafted in hopes he still will be productive and Perine the rookie Redskin is playing behind Fat Rob...
The WRs appear to be their strength with the return of Cooper and the addition of Jordy Nelson. Both potential 10 + TD players. Alshon Jeffery, who has had one 10 + season in his career hopes to resurrect that playing for the Eagles. The rest are interchangeable in any given week...
Mason Crosby will make those Nelson TDs worth 7 at least...Rams D...a homer pick at its best.
Fez Ferrets
Top Player: David Johnson
Big Three: Johnson, Stafford, Montgomery?
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| David Johnson reaction hearing drafted by Ferrets |
Matthew Stafford will quarterback the Ferrets this year. He's a solid QB when he's not partying on his boat on the Detroit River. 30 + TDs are not likely as he has only eclipsed that mark twice in his career.
The Ferrets had the number one pick of the draft and chose the consensus number one pick David Johnson. As long as the Ferret curse doesn't bite Johnson, they should have almost a weekly TD producer. To go along side of Johnson is Ty Montgomery, who was switched to RB for the Packers last year and looked good. If he can at least double his TD production from last year (3 TDs) it will be a win.
The Ferrets loaded up on Chisler counters drafting Keenan Allen AND Antonio Gates! Allen hoping to bounce back from injury that held him out entire season last year. Gates will start at least 2 weeks this year...Golden "Taint" Tate was added for a nice 10 point connection and a steal away from the Chislers which made the pick even sweeter for the Ferrets. Demaryius Thomas seems to be the forgotten one here as the saved player. He just hasn't been the same since Manning retirement.
Janikowski "Fat Kicker" was drafted to handle the kicking duties for the Ferrets and to jam the Crew knowing every Sunday the Ferrets will be routing for a Raider stall in the Bunker....
Alex's Animals
Top Player: Mike Evans
Big Three: Evans, Newton, Crowell
All indications is that it would be hard to believe that Newton could have as bad of a season as he had last year again. However he did have similar seasons in 2014 and 2012, but this is an odd number year so expect big things...wait what?
Crowell, Ingram and West. Not a group you think would put up big TD numbers, but the experts are high on Crowell. Thing is he plays for the Browns. That can't help things...Then Ingram fell to the 4th round even though last year he scored 10 TDs. Experts here were low on him. With Peterson now in New Orleans, could reduce his TD potential. Terrance West for Baltimore may be a sleeper start for the Animals.
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| Evans doing his best Beckham impression |
Mike Evans is on the edge of becoming a top tier WR. He scored nearly every week, and had several 2 TD weeks. No reason to think this is going to change. Tyreek "Reek" Hill, the Fantasy Bowl MVP, was drafted in the 2nd round. Expectations are high for Reek, but I think he will see if tough sledding this year. Tyrell Williams was a nice counter vs. Chislers (seems to be a theme here) and Moncrief, while the room seemed to be very down on Colts, could be a good 5th round pick.
Hasuschka and Sturgis are the Kickers. Most likely to get the start will be Sturgis.
Division Winner: Ferrets
Playoff Teams: Animals
On the Bubble: Chislers, Crew
Ahhh, who am I kidding!?
Division Winner: Chislers
On the Bubble: Crew, Ferrets and Animals
Eastern Bloc
Russian Roulette
Top Player: Aaron Rodgers
Big Three: Rodgers, Adams, Green
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| Rodgers on the set of The Deuce, HBO's new 70s Porn show.. |
Aaron Rodgers. About as good as it gets. He was last years MVP of the league as leading scorer. But unfortunately the Roulette still came up short. I would expect more of the same from Rodgers, they just need him to put up some big numbers in the playoffs...
The RBs for the Roulette are interesting. "Fat" Rob Kelley will likely get the start as he had a good end of the season last year. Then after that its anybody's guess. One thing I do know is that McFadden could be a starter for nearly half the season while Elliott serves his suspension. They took a chance on Ware, which the very next day did not work.
As it should be, if your RBs are weak you WRs better be strong. And they are. Devante Adams is a solid 10 point connection and had over 10 scores last year. A.J. Green was having a great year last year till his injury and if he returns to his old form could give the Roulette 2 10 TD WRs. Allen Robinson, the good Allen Brother, also has potential, but I think that year that he scored 14 TDs was more of an anomaly than what is to be expected.
Adam Vinatieri, who for whatever reason was very elusive during draft night, kicks for the Russians. Seems like he has been kicking forever. About as consistent as they come.
Molotov Cocktails
Top Player: Devonta Freeman
Big Three: Freeman, Gronkowski, Prescott
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| Freeman hoping to avoid another playoff loss |
The Boom or Bust team! I mean they drafted Blount, Forte, Lynch, Decker, Eifert....Even Dak Prescott could be considered in this group. Couldn't he? I mean we have one season of Dak. He threw 23 TDs but ran 6. Haven't we seen where a rookie QB has a great year, and the next year the defense now has the tapes and know how to stop him? And no Elliott the first 6 weeks. Time will tell, but I think Dak will struggle some.
Christ these RBs! Freeman a 10+ TD shoe in. If you went to the highest potential you would have Blount, Forte and Lynch all north of 10 TDs! Not likely going to happen but you would think one of these might hit. If just one does, its a nice 1-2 punch in the back field. And if they all do, just think of the trade bait he has...
Let's just go with all TEs shall we? 7 out of 8 of the wide outs are tight ends. The only WR is Eric "Double" Decker, who before his injury last year was scoring every week (I should know I had him!). Decker now in Tennessee might see big numbers catching for Mariota. Gronk is the top. While he missed most of last season, and will probably miss a game or 2 this year he will be 10-12 TDs as long as he stays healthy. Plus his dating scene is always good for the newsletters. They went with Dwayne Allen on the other side just to cover if Brady doesn't go with Gronk. Eifert could be a good player, or is he injury prone? And then there is Jesse "Jane" James...'nuf said...
Jason "Michael" Myers is the kicker and is always a good Halloween joke, but kicking for a Jaguar team that seems to be stagnant could prove challenging.
Jakes' Juggernauts
Top Player: DeMarco Murray
Big Three: Murray, Luck, Cooks
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| Murray will carry the rock for the Juggs |
Lot of people are down on the Colts and Luck. When healthy he is a solid 30+ TD producer. While he will likely miss the first game, once back, I don't see any reason why he can't continue that. Or is he done? Is his career over after 6 years? Come on man! I don't think so.
DeMarco Murray will get the nod in the back field and last year he had 12 TDs. He did fade out toward the end of the season, which would spell doom in the playoffs. And some people are saying the Henry will be stealing TDs away from him. Well good thing the Juggs drafted Henry too. Might as well start both of them . Fuck it.
Brandin Cooks a burner from New Orleans now playing for Brady has big upside. The downside is Brady throws to everyone, WR, TE, trainers, coaches...Kelvin Benjamin is ready for a big season a full year removed from the injury that kept him out of the 2015 season. Kyle Rudolph who seems to always be in the East, is a solid third option if Bradford "Floppy Sleeves" can stay on the field. The rest are some rookies (Kupp being maybe the most promising) and some that haven't answered the bell yet (Ginn and Coleman).
Dustin Hopkins will handle the kicking duties for the Juggs. I anticipate a lower point total from last year as the Redskin O struggles some this year...
Kretz Krauts
Top Player: Odell Beckham Jr.
Big Three: Beckham, Cousins, Fournette?
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| Beckham won't be smiling too much when Krauts fire up the ovens |
The Krauts reluctantly will allow Cousins to lead the team again. He had 25 TD passes last season. Carson Wentz is waiting in the wings however to take control of the Kraut Army.
The Krauts seem to have banked their running game on two RBs playing for some pretty pathetic teams. Leonard Fournette, the rookie, will have a lot to prove. And playing for the Jags won't help much as they seem to have no passing game anymore. Carlos Hyde, who is the starter in San Francisco, will find the road tough as they go through a rebuilding phase.
Sometimes you just don't question the Krauts draft strategy. I mean he has those Kraut sheets right? But besides Beckham Jr. Just not sure of his wide outs. Diggs "Dig Dug" (3 TDs), Zay Jones (Rookie Bill) Who?? Evan Engram (Rookie Giant), Treadwell (Viking Homer), Terrelle Pryor...okay hey a potential 10 point connection. But maybe the Kraut SS has intelligence I am not aware of on the rookie class this year.
Who will be the starting kicker? Blair Walsh "Project" or Cairo Santos "Todd Chontos"? I would go with Santos "Todd Chontos", just so we can say Santos "Todd Chontos" (This is just for the old school franchises, Crew, Chislers, Ferrets, Bums and Crush)
Division Winner: Roulette
Playoff Teams: Cocktails
on the Bubble: Krauts and Juggs
Sad Sack South
Michigan Mayhem
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| Drew Brees and all his demon seeds... |
Top Player: Drew Brees
Big Three: Brees, Cook, Thomas
As the Defending Champion said at draft night, it's all about the first two rounds and free agency...
Well Drew Brees comes back for yet another year. Can't argue that he will put up the numbers and most likely exceed 30 TD passes for the Mayhem. They grabbed Michael Thomas to go along with him as every mock draft had. This is a pretty good 10 point connection. Thomas was taken in the first round.
Dalvin Cook is the darling of the draft. Everyone had this rookie high on the draft board. Could he make an immediate impact in the league? He might. But haven't been impressed with the Viking offense this preseason with Floppy Sleeves at QB. Sounds like lots of teams will stack the box to shut down their run. Cook was taken in the second round.
I would talk about the rest of his team, but as he mentioned, "It's all about the first two rounds and free agency..."
Monclova Dragons
Top Player: Eli Manning
Big Three: Manning, Ajayi, Crabtree
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| Circus Music Eli |
Dragons come into the season as the defending champ...of the South... and bring back the mouth breather Eli Manning. No one likes this guy more than the Dragons. He can light it up and he can be a disaster. It all depends on which Eli you get on any given Sunday. Some days you get the Eli Manning with the classic NFL film music playing as he fights off the rush and throws TD passes. Sometimes you get the Eli Manning with the circus music playing as he looks out his ear hole throwing an INT...
Running Back Jay Ajayi was a nice homer pick in the first round (true to the mock draft), and while he had some big games he had some big gaps between them. He scored 4 TDs in 3 weeks before the bye week but then only 3 TDs in the next 9 games after that. Despite that I like Ajayi and see him eclipsing 10 TDs this year. Eddie Lacy was added in the 6th round and now in Seattle he has to re-prove himself as a go to back.
The WRs is where the Dragons could make some noise. Starting with Crabtree, who seems to be the Raiders RedZone threat (god damnit), and a 10 point connection in Brandon Marshall who creates lots of match up difficulties. Fitzgerald isn't ready to hang it up but its getting close and Kenny "Crosby" Stills "and Nash" had nearly 10 TDs last year. Will Cutler hurt or help those numbers? Well the Dragons drafted him too for that bye week 10 point connection...
Kicker Matt Bryant was tops in the league last year. Don't expect that much production this year, but still a solid kicker.
Killer Bees
Top Player: Matt Ryan
Big Three: Ryan, Gostkowski, ????
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| Ryan's reaction when the Bees drafted him... |
Ugh, the Bees. An every year debacle on draft day. He had too many IPAs apparently out west during draft day as he selected players he didn't want, and then took 4 QBs!
Maybe what might save his season is his QB Matt "Shark Eyes" Ryan. Although if you have seen a theme in this preview, I don't think you are going to see the prolific scoring this year that the Falcons had last year. I just see a team that for years with Matt Ryan at the helm they had one year where they shot the lights out. I see a more normal production from this team in 2017. That being said some of the key players will still score, such as Ryan who should be 30+ TD passes this year.
RBs are McCaffrey, Peterson, and Turbin. Eh...Well what is left in the Peterson tank? Playing in New Orleans should prove to be interesting...kind of like when Reggie Bush was there... McCaffrey is the wild card here. He is looking like he might throw up some big numbers in other league...maybe just not this league as far as TDs go.
WRs are awful. TY Hilton was first WR pick. We don't even know if Luck is going to play Week One, or the first 6 games. Sammy Watkins? While the Ram fan in me wants him to have a big year, but come on. Ebron had 2 TDs last year. Taylor Gabriel might the best of this lot and steal of his draft in the 8th round and makes for a 10 point connection for Ryan.
Per usual the Bees were first to take a kicker and selected Gostkowski. A familiar name as he has been with the team since 2014.
Toledo Titans
Top Player: Tom Brady
Big Three: Brady, Gillislee, Jones
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| Tom Brady screams NOOOO! when hears he'll be a Titan |
Oh those wacky Titans and the orange shorts... Have they finally drafted a team that will be a tiny bit respectful? Let me try to break it down...
Brady at QB. The GOAT. He has more weapons even with Edelman going down. Can't argue that he will give you consistent production every week, expect that week Belichick decides he wants to score all the TDs on the Ground.
Oh wait...If that's the case, they have Gillislee. While in Buffalo he had 9 TDs sharing the backfield with McCoy. Now he comes in and is expected to fill the Blount role. Don't expect 18 TDs. Be happy if he gets 9 again. Kareem Hunt should get the start in KC. The former Toledo Rocket is ready to make an impact. But the KC backfield can tend to get crowded. If both Gillislee and Hunt play up to expectations, and you add Brady in there the Titans, dare I say, could score some points.
Julio Jones was dinged up last year and had 6 TDs. He should be in the 10 zone. Chris Hogan was added as a 10 point connection so looks like this Dolphin fan will be routing for the Patriots a lot! I really liked the Martellus Bennett pick. Playing for GB will keep his stock high.
Will Lutz from New Orleans will handle kicking duties for the Titans and had a great year last year.
Division Winner: Mayhem (based on free agency)
Playoff Teams: Titans (It may be one of my fever days)
On the Bubble: Dragons
Not even close: Killer Bees
Wild Wild West
Cabucki Crush
Top Player: LeSean McCoy
Big Three: McCoy, Dez, Shepard
Naked Randy will be looking to show his body once again in a Fantasy Bowl but there might be a restriction of middle to older aged non in shape naked dudes in the Fantasy Bowl...
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| McCoy hopes to repeat last season performance |
All kidding aside, Russell Wilson will captain this squad this year. Meh. Not the most prolific Fantasy QB. Only one season has he thrown over 30 TDs. Don't see much of a change this year.
McCoy or was it Gillislee? Oh it was McCoy...Right? Yeah, yeah it was McCoy. Shady McCoy. I like this dude. He's a highlight reel and should get 10-12 TDs if, and this is a big IF, the Bills can find some resemblance of a passing game. I just don't know about Jeremy Hill or that Bengal Backfield that is more crowded now with "Puncher" Mixon.
Dez Bryant and Sterling Shepard I like. Dez is usually a threat every week to score if he can stay on the field. Shepard has potential to benefit from the coverage on Beckham and Marshall. Could that have devalued his worth though? He had 8 TDs last season and yet fell to the 10th round. The other Bryant, Martavius I don't know about. When isn't this guy suspended. Jordan Reed might not be bad as long as his toe doesn't nag him all season.
Novak and Boswell are the kickers. I predict that Boswell will end up being the permanent starter by year end.
Bacardi's Bums
Top Player: Le'Veon Bell
Big Three: Bell, Elliot, Mariota
Mariota looks to be on his way to being a solid fantasy QB coming close to the 30 TD mark not to mention his running ability. However he did only run for 2 TDs but he is certainly capable of more.
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| Bell could be part of a hell of duo in the back field |
By mid season this team will have the best RB tandem in the CFFL. Drafting Bell to go along with Elliot, who is looking at a possible 6 game suspension should prove interesting. If the Bums can hold on through the suspension, once Elliot gets back having both in the back field is going to win many games.
Where the Bums are weak are at wide outs. Meredith "Baxter Burney" is out for the season. DeAndre Hopkins just signed a huge contract to catch passes from a couple of stiffs in Houston. Jamison "Boyd" Crowder is up in the holler of Kentucky during the off season. Crowder could get close to 8 TDs this year. What is interesting is the 2 Titan players they drafted to go with Mariota giving them 2 potential 10 point connections. You know how much I like 10 point connections! Delanie Walker had 7 TDs last year and is becoming Mariota's go to guy. Rookie Corey Davis out of Western Michigan is big and fast and could open it up for Mariota.
Gano and Bailey are the kickers. Likey they will go with Bailey, but it always sucks when you have 2 kickers that are similar to production and you never know which one to go with week to week.
Stamm's Sinistars
Top Player: Melvin Gordon
Big Three: Gordon, Roethlisberger, Howard
Big Ben Roethlisberger will lead the Sinistars this year. He missed 2 games last year and still managed to throw 29 TDs. He's been playing a long time and has taken a beating over those years. The question is can he stay healthy. If he does you should expect pretty good production. He had a lot of 3 TD games not to mention he's always capable of a 5 TD performance.
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| Gordon returns for the Sinistars |
The Sinistars have a stable of backs...maybe they thought they were in other league and can start 3 RBs...Whatever the reason let's start with Melvin Gordon, their top back. After a season of looking like a stiff, last year he finally played up to expectations scoring 12 TDs. Expect more from Gordon this year. Then add Jordan "Curly Joe" Howard, who despite playing for a pathetic Bears team, could prove to be a great compliment to Gordon. Doug Martin after his suspension will give the Sinistars a third option. But you never know what you will get out of Martin from week to week.
Greg Olsen "Twins", Jimmy Graham, and Emmanuel Sanders aren't a bad trio of receivers. Or at least by name... Olsen has to return to his glory days, last year he only scored 20 points. But he's never scored over 8 TDs and that was in 2009. Jimmy Graham since leaving New Orleans hasn't come close to 10 TDs. Sanders, well he'll get you 5 TDs. Steal of the draft might be Cameron Brate from TB drafted in the 10th round. He had 8 TDs last year and could be Winston's favorite redzone target.
Kickers are players too Nate. Succop should handle the kicking duties for the Sinistars.
Cam's Killers
Top Player: Jameis Winston
Big Three: Winston, Gore? Baldwin?
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| Winston for the expansion Killers |
New kid on the block Cameron Cherry adds yet another Cherry to the Cherry Fantasy Football League. He starts the league at a disadvantage with no keeper. His first official act of business was to sign Jameis Winston to his squad. Winston is becoming a fantasy stud and this year could be a huge year for them as they have improved his weapons in Tampa.
The running back situation is weak. Like father like son I guess as the Killers only drafted 2 RBs. Lamar Miller and Frank Gore. Two running backs with potential but have seen their best days pass. Frank Gore just seems to keep running. The Colts will be a question mark this year, but Gore should get about 7-8 TDs. Lamar Miller, who only had 6 TDs last year, should get closer to 10 TDs again this year. But if either one falters or gets injured the Killers will be in trouble.
WRs are a bunch of guys that might get 4-6 TDs, no real stand outs. Doug Baldwin should be the number one guy. He had 7 TDs last year after 14 in 2015. Baldwin has the potential to score 10 TDs if the Seahawks can get their passing game back. DeSean Jackson could be an interesting 10 point connection for Winston. Travis Kelce has potential to score more than 4 times. The Killers will be relying a lot on "potential" for production at Wide receiver.
Kicker Nick "The Dick" Folk should give them a chance at some 11 point connections.
Division Winner: Sinistars
Playoff Teams: Bums
On the Bubble: Crush
Not a chance: Killers (setting up for next year)
So who will be in the Fantasy Bowl this year? Last year my prediction was WAY OFF! I had the Sinistars beating the Animals. The Animals didn't even make the playoffs.... So who will it be this year in Fantasy Bowl XXXIII
Fantasy Bowl XXXIII
Roulette 38 Bums 27
Roulette finally get Rodgers to take them to the promise land and win the title. Bums become hottest team in the second half of the season to get to the Fantasy Bowl but Rodgers proves to be too much.
Around the League...Crew lose another game needing big performances out of the night games on Sunday and Monday. Carr and Cooper combined for just 4 points. Juggs key to victory was the 14 points from Brandin Cooks and the 9 points from kicker Hopkins on Sunday night...Animals held off the Cocktails 32-30 after they made a late game charge on Monday night with 14 points from Dak Prescott...Mayhem and Killers played to a close one point game. Mayhem was led by Brees' 12 points and Prater's 14. Killers spread it around getting scores from Winston, Gore, Baldwin, and Jackson...Dragons kept the Bums at bay thanks to a Fitzgerald TD. The Bums RBs finally came through with a TD each from Bell and Elliott....
